The UK Top Ten

es They don't give you much credit, do they? The movie makers, I mean. The guys in suits that greenlight movies at studio level. They think you're stupid, so they make sure films are dumb enough for you to understand. They don't greenlight a movie if they don't think you'll get it. The problem I have is, why are you in agreement with them?

1. Spider-Man 3 - So a three-year-old could tell you that a surefire way to screw a movie like this over is to cram it full of characters, the director's kids, a crap British actress and too many repetitive scenes. Raimi apparently didn't have the blueprint to failure handy, else he might have noticed he had f***** up. Bad.

2. Bridge To Terabithia - So, how on Earth did this end up in the top ten? I have a theory... you saw the trailer didn't you? The one with the CGI and the Narnia-like storyline? So when you got in there and found it out required a degree of thought, you must have wondered what the hell you had got into, right? I knew it.

3. Next - Almost anyone who has seen a Nic Cage movie in the last 5 years is asking, "why is he still making movies?" - BECAUSE YOU STILL GO TO SEE THIS CRAP. That's why.

4. Wild Hogs - City Slickers 2 was better than this. Watch Home Improvement again and you'll realise Tim Allen should never even have had a career in the first place. 

5. Fracture - The fact that Anthony Hopkins turns into Father Ted halfway through the didn't bother you too much then?

6. Mr Bean's Holiday - You have direct to video, but this is should have gone direct-to-airplane and stayed there.

7. Blades Of Glory - Put Napoleon Dynamite in lycra and watch the money roll in! It really is that easy for them.

8. Alpha Dog - If it really was any good, they wouldn't have needed to hire Timberlake to get your attention.

9. This Is England - Really? I didn't know it was so suicide-inducingly depressing here.

10. The Painted Veil - This is the cinematic equivalent of being 12 and having to watch your sister's school piano recital.

Comments

[David Grace]

Is it just me or is the new Sky movie format rubbish?