Cinephilia

Guy Richtoy's TW*T!

Guy Richtoy has made some of the best films of the last hundred years.

Following the critical success of his directorial debut "Lock Stock & Two Barrels of Smoking Monkeys", he met and married the international singing star Madogga but returned to his roots as a cockney villain for his second film "Twat":

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Why 'The Blade' Loves The Internet

Occassionaly you come across some footage that makes you laugh, cry, sweat and salivate all at once. For those of you wondering... no... it isn't porn... it's better!

Check out these three examples of Turkish rip-offs of Hollywood blockbusters. First up is ET. Notice that it is now a horror:

I'm sure one of the kids said something about his penis in that one but don't be put off, the next is a classic. This time it's Star Wars, only not as you know it. Note the use of Indiana Jones Music and Jedi Karate skills for our hero - basically Luke Skywalker with knuckledusters in place of his trusty lightsabre. It's pretty repetetive but worth it three minutes in when he starts to rip the heads off of the pubic monsters and toilet paper trolls. Also a good tuturiol for how to successfully split an evil magician in two with your bare hands. Educational as well as bizzare, then. Has to be seen to be believed:

OK, take a breath and recover your senses because now it's the turn of 'SUPERMEN DONUYOR'. The costume is actually pretty good but Supes lives in a world where every gangster possesses a massive 'tash and shiny handgun but no charisma. There's zero emotion, the dubbing is awful and the effects some of the worst you'll ever see but the lead actor is AMAZING. Seriously, some of his facial expressions just astound me:

Arnold Calls Noel

What would happen if Arnold was on the campaign trail, and inadvertently found himself calling Noel's Deal Or No Deal phone? "I hope you left enough room for my fist..."

That Friday Feeling

Flicking through this month's new Sky Movies magazine, you'd find it hard not to get mildly excited by the fabulous array of new titles coming to the channels in the next few weeks.

It's all very well harping on about King Kong, Jarhead, Flightplan and The Producers... but did anyone else notice that Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies will be showing from 8pm on Friday 26th Jan?

If the tagline doesn't get you going then nothing will: "That Korean guy from American Pie, the Asian guy from Van Wilder, from the director of Dude, Where's My Car?..."

In the States, it's Known as Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle - their favourite chain of Burger restaurants - but my favourite incarnation has to be the French Canadian effort Harold et Kumar chassent le burger. Say what you see boys!!

Here's one of my favourite scenes in which Kumar dreams about his marriage to a 6' tall bag of weed:

Space In Vader

If you thought Darth Vader was just the misunderstood ruler of a Hyper-Galactic Evil Empire, here's something to challenge your perceptions...

Some bright spark has edited together Vader's scenes from Star Wars using James Earl Jones' voice from alternative film roles.

Worth it if only to hear the Sith Lord berate Leia for having cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp!

"Is this in the game, Wayne?"

Occasionaly you're sent something really good at 5pm on a work day and you don't mind sticking it up on the blog before you leave for home even if you know it means missing the 17:24 from Brentford.

In this instance that "something really good" is a clip of the nation's most talented footballer showing off a variety of other (rather impressive) skills during a motion capture session for EA Sports.

hahahahaha. Brilliant

Martin Scorsese's Sesame Streets

It's been a long time since we posted one of those movie trailers re-cut in an attempt to sell something completely differrent than originaly intended.

I guess the demand for Movies Remixed kind of diminished after the four score and seven Brokeback spoofs went around (my favourite still has to be the He-Man and Man-at-Arms love story "Brokeback Snake Mountain").

Needless to say this one definitely fills the hole left by the two gay cowboys eating chocolate pudding. It's the best re-cut trailer in ages - worth it if only for Bert's reaction to Ernie's accusation...

Fun with Treadmills

At last someone has come up with a way in which to utilise a treadmill involving neither boredom nor sweat.

OK so it's a few weeks old now but I keep coming up against people that have no clue as to what I'm banging on about.

If you haven't seen this already, you NEED to (and badly).

Dom Bloch

Star Wars - Shortened! (60 second version!)

We said we'd try, and try we did. Fortunately for all involved, we also succeeded! The guys that made the Reduced Shakespeare plays in the past have turned their hand to something a whole lot more interesting (sad, but true) by reducing Star Wars to their minimalist level!

Star Wars- Shortened will be on Sky Movies soon, and we'll also put it on Sky by broadband for you to download. But in the meantime, here's the whole saga - in one minute. Oh yeah.

Rich Phippen

"Where'd the air come from?"

Office pranks. Without them, we'd all be doing more work. But would we be so happy?

These guys knew how to play a prank. Harmless and inoffensive, filling a boss's office with balloons is actually not a bad idea as pranks go.

Try telling this idiot. But then again, if he didn't react like a spoilt child it wouldn't be so funny. Kudos to Alex though.

Rich Phippen