Cinephilia

Guy Richtoy's TW*T!

Guy Richtoy has made some of the best films of the last hundred years.

Following the critical success of his directorial debut "Lock Stock & Two Barrels of Smoking Monkeys", he met and married the international singing star Madogga but returned to his roots as a cockney villain for his second film "Twat":

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Why 'The Blade' Loves The Internet

Occassionaly you come across some footage that makes you laugh, cry, sweat and salivate all at once. For those of you wondering... no... it isn't porn... it's better!

Check out these three examples of Turkish rip-offs of Hollywood blockbusters. First up is ET. Notice that it is now a horror:

I'm sure one of the kids said something about his penis in that one but don't be put off, the next is a classic. This time it's Star Wars, only not as you know it. Note the use of Indiana Jones Music and Jedi Karate skills for our hero - basically Luke Skywalker with knuckledusters in place of his trusty lightsabre. It's pretty repetetive but worth it three minutes in when he starts to rip the heads off of the pubic monsters and toilet paper trolls. Also a good tuturiol for how to successfully split an evil magician in two with your bare hands. Educational as well as bizzare, then. Has to be seen to be believed:

OK, take a breath and recover your senses because now it's the turn of 'SUPERMEN DONUYOR'. The costume is actually pretty good but Supes lives in a world where every gangster possesses a massive 'tash and shiny handgun but no charisma. There's zero emotion, the dubbing is awful and the effects some of the worst you'll ever see but the lead actor is AMAZING. Seriously, some of his facial expressions just astound me:

Space In Vader

If you thought Darth Vader was just the misunderstood ruler of a Hyper-Galactic Evil Empire, here's something to challenge your perceptions...

Some bright spark has edited together Vader's scenes from Star Wars using James Earl Jones' voice from alternative film roles.

Worth it if only to hear the Sith Lord berate Leia for having cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp!

Martin Scorsese's Sesame Streets

It's been a long time since we posted one of those movie trailers re-cut in an attempt to sell something completely differrent than originaly intended.

I guess the demand for Movies Remixed kind of diminished after the four score and seven Brokeback spoofs went around (my favourite still has to be the He-Man and Man-at-Arms love story "Brokeback Snake Mountain").

Needless to say this one definitely fills the hole left by the two gay cowboys eating chocolate pudding. It's the best re-cut trailer in ages - worth it if only for Bert's reaction to Ernie's accusation...

EXCLUSIVE - Star Wars Shortened details

Here is the full press release from Sky Publicity re: the Shorterened Star Wars event. Eat it up fanboys...

STAR WARS™ – SHORTENED!
Three men, one stage and just 20 minutes to tell the most famous saga in film history…

In celebration of this summer’s Star Wars™ season on Sky Movies, Sky have commissioned Star Wars™ – Shortened!, the world’s only fully authorised, comedic performance of all six films in just 20 minutes. Adam Long (co-founder of the Reduced Shakespeare Company) is writing, directing and performing the seemingly impossible with the help of two other Star Wars™ devotees, in a one-time-only live presentation that will be recorded for broadcast on Sky

Every aspect of the epic story will be squeezed into the short production, from Anakin Skywalker’s move to the Dark side, Princess Leia’s rescue from the Empire and the construction of the new Death Star. No plot point from the epic, 13-hour cinematic saga will be omitted!

Star Wars™ – Shortened! will be performed exclusively at The Criterion Theatre for one night only on Thursday 17th August in front of an audience of 600 invited guests. The complete production will also be shown on Sky Movies from the following week.

Adam Long writer, director and performer comments:

“This is my boyhood dream, in the space of twenty minutes I’m going to be Jabba the Hutt, Jar Jar Binks, Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker. Everyone loves Star Wars but I love it more than anyone on the planet !”

Sophie Turner-Laing, Deputy MD, Sky Channels and Services comments:

“Star Wars is universally adored by movie fans and what better way to celebrate the first time that the entire saga has ever appeared on British television than to create a new theatrical performance, packed with everyone’s favourite scenes and lines.”

The complete running time for all six Star Wars™ films is 794 minutes, meaning Star Wars – Shortened! is 98 percent shorter than the original. To win tickets to this “2% version” of Star Wars™ visit skymovies.com/starwars. In addition, single tickets will be made available to the first 20 fans at the door of The Criterion on 17th August (for a strictly limited total of 20 day-of-event tickets).

Star Wars™ - Shortened! celebrates Sky Movies’ Star Wars™ season starting on Saturday 26th August with Star Wars™: Episode IV A New Hope and climaxing on Saturday 30th September with the UK television premiere of Star Wars™: Episode III Revenge of the Sith.

Sky Movies are most grateful to Lucasfilm Ltd for their help in creating Star Wars™ - Shortened!

One Ring Beard to Rule Them all!

I'm loving this wonderful LOTR spoof on YouTube (via the excellent Screenhead).

Perhaps's it's finally time to release the Director's Cut with-a-Grateful-Dead-soundtrack edition?

OK. Perhaps not.

Deliverance From The Dark Side

OK, so there we were down the YouTube mines and stumbed across this awful (or so awful it's brilliant) piece of star wars fluffery... John Williams' intergalactic masterpiece plucked up on a banjo.

Click Here to be amazed/amused/depressed*

If you want everything Star Wars that's currently on YouTube we've done all the hard work for you - just Click Here.

Oh and why is it that everyone who ever picked up a banjo looks like theysleep with their sister..?

*delete as applicable

Mike Taylor

Catholic High School Girls In Trouble

Ever wondered what Writers Zucker/Abrahams/Zucker did before Airplane! and what director John Landis did before Animal House?

Catholic High School Girls In Trouble - that's what!

It's a spoof trailer for a sex-ploitation flick from the Kentucky Fried Movie. Oh, and watch out for the dwarves...

And it comes to you from the lovely people at Goodie Bag TV

Mike Taylor

Is It A Bun?

Ok, so our favourite Hollywood bunnies do a spoof of this year's big summer blockbuster - Superman (well ok they've actually done Superman the Movie - but lets not split hares...)

It's brilliant and you need to scoot over to Starz.com and register to check it out.

But what's this on the final credits? Check out the image above. It says that Bryan Singer did one of the voices? Really? Which One? C'mon Bunnies - WE MUST KNOW!

Mike Taylor

Star Wars: Episode VII - A New Dope

It's not often - in fact, never - that you'd ever find the words Jimmy and Fallon and funny in the same sentence. Some dimwit thought he could carry a movie. That movie was Taxi. Jimmy Fallon couldn't carry a bag of heavy shopping. But that was then. This is now. Check out this terrific Revenge of the Sith spoof where Fallon takes the place of Hayden Christensen and is spliced into the action opposite Natalie Portman. She doesn't like what he's done to his pad. He doesn't like the fact Ewan McGregor has spilt stuff on his clothes. Or, as he petulantly berates him "I see you have left barbecue sauce on my bathrobe." Class. CLICK HERE