Cinephilia

Guy Richtoy's TW*T!

Guy Richtoy has made some of the best films of the last hundred years.

Following the critical success of his directorial debut "Lock Stock & Two Barrels of Smoking Monkeys", he met and married the international singing star Madogga but returned to his roots as a cockney villain for his second film "Twat":

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Bananas for Breakfast

Tra-la-la, la-la-la-la... In a marvellous combination of newscasting and nostalgia, it seems that Bingo out of the Banana Splits is now presenting the BBC's Breakfast programme. Can't wait for Bagpuss to start doing the weather.

Ben Folds Cracks GMTV

It seems to me that, if you are privileged enough to have a job that allows you to meet and chat to celebrities, you really ought to make the most of it. Maybe a bit of research wouldn't go amiss. I mean, what do the presenters of GMTV have to do? They have to read a tele-prompt, and occasionally break away to use cards and ask crap questions.

Why not do a bit of Wikipedia-ing first? In this clip, GMTV show their worth by utterly screwing up the chance to have Ben Folds do something to liven up the turgid show they insist on airing each day. Andrew Castle, the GMTV presenter so cheesey Wallace and Gromit once landed on his head, (he's also known for being an ex-tennis player, who once collapsed before the end of the London Marathon (See! This research thing isn't so hard!)) completely screws up the interview by introducing the song, asking about the amount of letters in the title of the song, then asking Folds what the song is called. It is easily the most patronising interview Folds will ever partake in. Which is funny, because Folds has more fans than GMTV.

You can almost hear the producer in Castle's ear when Folds starts talking about the song itself. "I decided to write one political song..."

"CUT HIM OFF CASTLE! CUT HIM OFF!"

Fortunately for us Folds fans, we delighted in his piss-taking of the Producer's decision to have this talented live-piano-playing star mime (when he looks at the camera, he is trying to say "Can you believe they're making me do this?") much like Nirvana on Top Of The Pops.

"He's an eccentric performer!" claims Castle. No, Andrew, he just thinks you're show is a bit shit.

For more on Folds' dislike of manufactured pop, see here.

That Friday Feeling

Flicking through this month's new Sky Movies magazine, you'd find it hard not to get mildly excited by the fabulous array of new titles coming to the channels in the next few weeks.

It's all very well harping on about King Kong, Jarhead, Flightplan and The Producers... but did anyone else notice that Harold & Kumar Get the Munchies will be showing from 8pm on Friday 26th Jan?

If the tagline doesn't get you going then nothing will: "That Korean guy from American Pie, the Asian guy from Van Wilder, from the director of Dude, Where's My Car?..."

In the States, it's Known as Harold & Kumar Go to White Castle - their favourite chain of Burger restaurants - but my favourite incarnation has to be the French Canadian effort Harold et Kumar chassent le burger. Say what you see boys!!

Here's one of my favourite scenes in which Kumar dreams about his marriage to a 6' tall bag of weed:

Space In Vader

If you thought Darth Vader was just the misunderstood ruler of a Hyper-Galactic Evil Empire, here's something to challenge your perceptions...

Some bright spark has edited together Vader's scenes from Star Wars using James Earl Jones' voice from alternative film roles.

Worth it if only to hear the Sith Lord berate Leia for having cleared out of Detroit with Willie the Pimp!

Martin Scorsese's Sesame Streets

It's been a long time since we posted one of those movie trailers re-cut in an attempt to sell something completely differrent than originaly intended.

I guess the demand for Movies Remixed kind of diminished after the four score and seven Brokeback spoofs went around (my favourite still has to be the He-Man and Man-at-Arms love story "Brokeback Snake Mountain").

Needless to say this one definitely fills the hole left by the two gay cowboys eating chocolate pudding. It's the best re-cut trailer in ages - worth it if only for Bert's reaction to Ernie's accusation...

Pity the Foo?

In 1987 a hit television series was cancelled. Almost 20 years later, Mr. T, recruiting a crack team of other B-list celebrities, had decided to rebuild the team. If you have a problem maybe you can hire the B-team...

Aqua Teen Hunger Force

Allow me to introduce three of my most recent aquantances... The Aqua Teen Hunger Force.

Made up of the super-intelligent but highly irritable Frylock, the incredibly selfish and rarely well-meaning MasterShake and the cute, loveable but oh-so-brainless wad of meat MeatWad - they sort of solve people's problems and sort of don't!

In fact, if self-appointed leader Shake got his way he'd spend all day cooling off in his neighbour Carl's pool, eyeing up the laydeez, watching TV and, though it's all too easy, generally fooling MeatWad for his own amusement.

You can catch up with my new chums, along with other humourously animated nonsense from the likes of Seth Green in [adult swim] on Bravo (Sky channel 124) during the wee small hours.

Click here to become MeatWad and save the world from the Mooninite Marauders.

Dom B

Is to yo' Eyes as Curry is to yo' Batty!

If you loved Jackass the movie then be prepared 'cause the crazing bunch are back with their new movie, featuring more  hilarious stunts and things no one else should dare attempt.

So get ready for Jackass 2 which will be released around September this year.

Click the link and choose your connection speed. When the video starts playing, right click and select "zoom" for full screen viewing options.

Did you hear the one about the Lobster and the Tomato?

If, like me, you're about to reach boiling point with another viewing of Film 4's really clever utterly stupid Lobster and Tomato campaign, you might enjoy this fiendish lesson in piggy-backing.

Sky Movies have gone and made their own Lobster Bisque (without spending £4 million I might add) and the message is simple...

We spend money on quality films rather than dressing up the odd Dame as a Tomato. Oh, and we don't interrupt our movies with endless advert-breaks either.

To see it in all it's Thermador glory... CLICK HERE!

When you see the pop-up, choose your speed and wait for the clip to load.

Right click on the video window and select 'Zoom' for Full Screen options.